Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
