I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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