All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
