maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
