If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
