I puked a lego.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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