i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
