One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
