So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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