Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
