she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
