you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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