He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
