I accidentally burped into my bong.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
