I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
