tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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