I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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