I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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