Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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