She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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