I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
