you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
