I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
