How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
