conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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