I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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