That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
