Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
