Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
