He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
