But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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