Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My balls are so social today.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
