i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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