i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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