No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
