Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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