how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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