so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
