White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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