I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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