jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
