The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
