You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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