Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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