One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
