My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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