Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
