he shaved USA in his pubs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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