this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
