Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
