Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
love makes seman taste better
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
