She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize