I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
